So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
