Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
