I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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