where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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