Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sext me about skeletons
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
