Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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