Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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