So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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