just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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