Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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