Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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