dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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