weddingsv make me drug and hornr
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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