if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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