Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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