So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
