Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
