wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
