my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
