tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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