No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry about my life...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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