I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
