I think my fart just growled at me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize