And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
