he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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