There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
