Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
