My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
