somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
soo... how was my night?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
