So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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