Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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