just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everclear isn't food dammit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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