We won't sleep together?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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