smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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