Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
