if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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