Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
