I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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