She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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