update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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