i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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