I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
