mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
