I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
