Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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