but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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