He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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