I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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