God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
