I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am naked and annoyed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
