I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We need a shit load of segways right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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