C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
