so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
