no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
