thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Boobs speak an international language.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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