He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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