I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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