I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize