those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
