he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
