i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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