1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
