I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
people are starting to question the shark bite story
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
