just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
