So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
