Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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