It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
