Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
