I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
