There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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