i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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