this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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