if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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