I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
