I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
