I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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