hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
