Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm both gender and math confused
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