Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
