Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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