a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
