You're a womanizer and a bitch.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
