I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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